I was invited as a resource speaker at DZMM’s Sakto show last March. The topic was about online game addiction in children.

It’s a very timely topic because this is one of the challenges of parenting in the digital age. Our children or grandchildren are born as digital natives. That means that they were born at a time when many things are already online or connected to the internet and many things are digital.

How does a parent navigate this digital age? How do we prevent addiction? Do we need to ban the total use of gadgets? Should we set boundaries? How do we set boundaries? What are the signs that our children are already addicted to playing online games?

What are the negative effects of letting kids play online games for too long? What are the negative effects of some online games on children?

These were some of the things we discussed in my guest interview at Sakto with Amy Perez and Kim Atienza.

Here is a short video clip of the question and answer portion of the interview.

We ran out of time, as usual, to discuss more of these things in depth so I decided to write this blog post.

Let me detail some of the things I discussed on the show.

What are some of the signs of addiction in playing online games or in the use of gadgets?

1. Ignoring natural body functions. Refusing to eat or drink even when hungry or thirsty or totally not noticing these because they are too engrossed playing online games.
2. Ignoring etiquette or social graces. Not looking people in the eye when they are spoken to, not responding or putting their gadgets or phones away when other people talk to them, choosing to play online games or to use their phones/gadgets even in a social situation where they can or should talk to people. People nowadays just use their gadgets or phones without excusing themselves even when they are conversing with others. Less and less people make eye contact with others because many people are looking on screens instead of looking people in the eye. No wonder more conflicts and relationship problems are happening in the home and outside the home. The basic skills and etiquette that used to be the norm or what are expected of civilized and educated people in previous generations are not being practiced anymore by everyone.
3. Becomes irritable or angry when asked to stop using gadgets or playing online games. Since they are so used and engrossed in playing these games, they get so affected and emotional when asked to stop.
4. Neglects studies and/or other responsibilities just to play online games or watch online videos. They stop caring and considering their other responsibilities. They get lost in the world of playing online games. They forget reality. They forget the natural consequences of not doing their duties.
5. Sneaks out or uses deception to have opportunities to play or watch videos. Rebels against the rules or boundaries set.

What are the negatives effects of watching too much violent content or playing violent video games?

1. The kids who watch these violent content and plays these violent games get a subliminal message that killing is fun, killing is easy, killing another person or many people is acceptable, you can get away with killing others, the more people you kill, the better, killing others means you are more powerful than the people you killed. Subliminal means something that is not obviously or explicitly said but is perceived by the subconscious mind and is easily remembered because of constant exposure or repetition.
2. The kids (and adults) who are repeatedly exposed to violent content or are used to playing violent games become desensitized to the violence that they see. When they become desensitized, they think that violence is normal and is okay. They think that there is nothing wrong with watching or playing violent games. And even when they see violence in real life, they no longer get shocked or easily affected because they are used to seeing violent situations.
3. Kids (and adults) who become desensitized to violence are prone and can eventually adopt the violence they watch from their gadgets or TV into their lives. It’s no surprise that kids who frequently watch and play violent games have violent tendencies also. These are the kids (or adults) who can easily be violent because their subconscious minds had been programmed or conditioned to think that violence is ok and normal.

How can parents prevent their kids from becoming addicted to online games?

1. Don’t introduce online games to very young children yet. The earlier these games are introduced, the higher are the chances that they will become addicted to it over time since they started early in playing with them. Babies and young children need to use their bodies in real play to be able to understand and master the use of their bodies. These are things they fail to do and learn when they are stuck sitting and playing online games. They also fail to learn how to play with real people or children. the best way to learn social skills is to interact with people offline, not online.
2. Don’t use gadgets as baby sitters. This is becoming more and more common. Because gadgets are so accessible, this is becoming a new toy for babies and children. This should not be the case. Gadgets should not be viewed and introduced to children as their toys. Caregivers should be more creative and patient in taking care of children. Let kids play with real toys and engage in activities that will develop their gross motor and fine motor skills in a safe environment. Get a real person to watch over the child. Someone who will talk to the child and play with the child. Children need attention and quality time, not gadgets. They learn language faster and better when the people around them talk to them and pay attention to them.
3. Don’t make the use of gadgets or playing video or online games the default way to relax or pass the time. Let children discover the joy of real play. Again, because phones and gadgets are so accessible nowadays, these are easily passed on to kids. Let children know that there are many ways to relax. There are many games they can play. Let them know that in playing real games, they get to become real friends with real people. Talk to kids about the benefits of the other activities they can engage in or play with. Let them try new ways of relaxation and play. Sometimes, they were just too limited int heir choices or they were not given the chance to try other options. Introduce them to sports. there are many kinds of sports. Introduce them to musical instruments. there are many kinds of musical instruments. Encourage them to read for pleasure. reading should not be confined to reading textbooks or school work. Help them learn a hobby like drawing, writing, sewing, cooking, etc. Introduce Filipino games to them like sungka, patintero, piko, etc.
4. Set boundaries or limits and rules in online gaming. Anything that is left unchecked or done in excess can be detrimental or have negative effects. Not all online games are bad. There are many that are educational and enjoyable. But spending too much time on these educational games also have negative effects. Limit the time that kids use gadgets. Set a rule that they need to do their duties and responsibilities first like doing their assignments, studying for an exam or quiz, preparing their things for school and doing their chores, before playing with online games. And if you are a Christian family, emphasize that their prayer time is more important than the time they spend playing online games. So, they should nourish their souls first by praying first before playing.

For Christian Homes/Families

If you are a Christian parent, I’d like to invite you to read beyond what I have already shared above.

Let me share why I don’t feel comfortable exposing my children to violent content, violent video games and many other games that may have bad subliminal messages.

One of the commandments given to us by God through Moses is “Thou shall not kill.” Thus, letting our children watch and play games wherein the goal is to kill people is not aligned with this command of God.

We do not want to raise a new generation that thinks that killing is fun, killing is easy, killing another person or many people is acceptable, you can get away with killing others, the more people you kill, the better, killing others means you are more powerful than the people you killed.

Philippians 4:8 says,

“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”

Before we allow our children to watch or play an online game, let us ask ourselves if it teaches our children to be just, pure, to strive for excellence and to do something praiseworthy. Ask ourselves if it is lovely to look at. Let us also ask ourselves if those games would not lead them to sin. Will these videos and games bring them closer to God? Will these games teach them to be better persons? or can they do away with these things? Do they really need to learn those games? Is it a must that they be exposed to these material or content? Are you letting your children play with these online games so they will not feel left out?

The Bible says in Romans 12:1-2,

“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.”

Before we expose our children to less important or unimportant things, have we made time to teach them what is essential in their life in this world and life eternal?

Proverbs 22:6 says,

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.”

I would rather that my children learn more important life skills than play online games that are not that relevant in their current lives. I would rather that they spend time learning about our faith than playing online games. I would rather that they play real games with their siblings or friends than online friends because, in real-world interactions, they will learn and grow in interpersonal skills.

It’s not easy to parent in the digital age. There are more challenges that parents face day by day. But with the grace of God in our lives and the power of the Holy Spirit at work and guiding us, we would learn how to best parent our children. But we need to be discerning and vigilant because the enemy is like a prowling lion ready to devour anyone who is weak and unprepared or ill-equipped. That is why one of the online games I like to play with my children during our game nights at home is a Bible quiz. Reading the Bible and learning how to navigate life through its teachings is one of the main activities in our household daily. That way, I am equipping my children with the armor of God. My children are not perfect. They are also works in progress like me. But we strive to use God’s commands and teachings as our compass.

Lastly, we are not perfect parents. But God, our Father in heaven, is also our children’s father. Let’s ask Him to fill in the gaps in our parenting and to heal the wounds we cause when we make mistakes. He loves our children more than we love them. Let us entrust them into His able and loving hands.

P.S. Should you need a speaker on parenting or work topics, feel free to email me at teresa@fulllifecube.com or teresa@handsonparentwhileearning.com. I also do coaching and counseling to parents and other individuals. You may read more about my coaching and counseling services, including the rates, when you click here.