My father passed away exactly a month ago today. It was already a month ago. But I still feel like it just happened yesterday.

He has been sick with hypertension for decades. He developed heart disease as a complication around a decade ago.

He has been fighting a hard battle for two decades already. He has fought a good fight. Last January 24, he didn’t want to fight anymore. He simply wanted to rest.

I saw him virtually for the last time that day. His body was already exhausted due to his longtime illness. He was ready to die. He was asking me to let him rest already. But I was not ready still.

I still wanted him to fight. I still wanted God to grant us another miracle. I was still willing to find ways to help him get better and stronger.

Even when someone has been sick for years, even decades, those closest to that person can still struggle to accept the inevitability of death when death comes knocking at their loved one’s door. It is never easy to let go of someone for eternity.

We still try to bargain with God and beg for miracles even at the last minute or second. And when death finally takes your loved one away, we console ourselves with the promise that in the next life, there is no more pain and sickness and we remind ourselves of the promise of the resurrection. We also strive to overcome our sorrow by choosing to be thankful for the times we had, the memories we shared with our loved one.

Today, as I struggle to be at peace and to continue to embrace the truth of my father’s passing, I want to remember some of the many things I am grateful for that my father did.

First, I am grateful that I had a father who was a H.O.P.E. or a Hands-On Parent while Earning to me. I would not be one if I did not also experience having a parent who did that for me while I was a child and even until I was already an adult.

Even though my father worked long hours and had an irregular schedule due to his work, Tatay (father) made time for me and my brother. Tatay played with us. We played board games and card games as a family. We played Snake and Ladders and Slide and Ladders. We played Monopoly and Scrabble. We played pares-pares and unggoy-ungguyan. We went to Masses on Sundays when we were still little. Then, we would bond after by eating ice cream or hotdogs, going to the carnival, or simply strolling in the commercial centers near our place of residence. At that time, we usually went to Cubao. We would eat at Coney Island or go to Fiesta Carnival. We would go malling at Ali Mall, SM, or Farmer’s Plaza.

There were times when we had family picnics in parks, mostly in Quezon City because that was where we lived at that time. On some special occasions, we also had picnics at Nayong Pilipino in Paranaque.

He taught us both academic and life lessons. He would read books to us. He would teach us Math. Math was his favorite subject and he loved teaching Math to us, especially the multiplication table. He made a multiplication table using cardboard for us and he would drill us and help us memorize it.

He would bring us pasalubong a lot of times when he goes home from work. It could be reading materials passed to him by his employer, food, or anything that his generous employers would give to him and our family. It brought him and us so much joy!

He served us in many ways. He took care of us. On Sundays, he doesn’t just rest like what many fathers do. Although he was tired and worked long hours the whole week, Tatay would still cook our food on Sundays. He would either cook sinigang (pork or milkfish) or grill something like liempo, pork chop, or milkfish (bangus). Those were his specialties and his favorites, which also became part of our family tradition. My brother and I would jokingly guess what our viand will be every Sunday. But, the truth is, our food every Sunday was quite predictable.

Tatay also tries to bring us to school whenever he can. I remember when I was already commuting in high school and college, we would commute together. If he needs to ride a different jeep, he would wait for me to get a ride first and he would help me get up the jeep first before he proceeds to find himself a ride. I experienced how it is to be treated by a gentleman first from my father.

Then, when I was already working in my first job, Tatay would fetch me from work whenever I was on the evening or night shift. He makes sure that I get home safe. He did this whether through public transport or by driving our own vehicle.

Tatay was present to me in my daily adventures, both in the ordinary and special moments of my life. He was present during my birthdays, Recognition Days, and graduations. I’m so grateful to God that I had a father while growing up!

Second, I am grateful that Tatay was also present during the important events in my life and in my children’s lives.

He was there when I got married, when my children were baptized, celebrated their first and seventh birthdays, their graduations, and recitals. I’m so grateful to God that He blessed my father with 75 years of life in spite of his sickness. He could have lived longer if he was healthier. But 75 years is still a long life! He lived long enough to witness and to be part of all those wonderful events in my life! He even lived long enough to witness and be part of the ordinary and special events in my children’s lives!

My father survived a number of hospitalizations. He survived 5 strokes! He survived 2 years of the pandemic!

Third, I’m grateful that Tatay chose to continue working in the Philippines. There came a time when it was popular among our relatives and neighbors for fathers to work abroad. He had close relatives who chose to work abroad. We had neighbors who were close family friends who also chose to work abroad. Tatay chose to stay in the Philippines. His main reason was that he loved his family so much. He could not imagine living far away from us. He said he would be so homesick. He will miss us terribly. He was also afraid that being far away could destroy their marriage.

Because Tatay chose to continue working here in the Philippines, we continued to live in poverty also. We had a lot of financial challenges. Looking back, however, I’m so grateful that Tatay had the strength and courage to make that choice. He chose family over financial security.

Even though we were poor, I still finished my studies. I graduated from the University of the Philippines. Then, when I had my first job, I helped my parents purchase our own house and lot. I was almost done paying the mortgage before I got married. My husband and I continued to pay for it until the house and lot were fully paid. I kept my promise to my parents that I will buy them a house and lot.

My father’s decision also had a big impact on me growing up. I learned that people are more important than material possessions or financial security. That marriage is more important than what money can buy. That time spent with family and memories shared with each other in good and bad times were more important than expensive toys and appliances or delicious food on the table and gifts on special occasions. My father did not buy us expensive toys, clothes, or chocolates. His present was his presence. God, anyway, found a way to give us expensive and imported toys and food through the generosity of my father’s employers and through family friends.

Most of all, only death separated my parents. Their marriage remained intact until his dying day. My mom took care of my father while he was sick. They were faithful to their marriage vows. I think that is a very beautiful legacy and gift to my brother and me and to my children.

I could not help but cry while writing this blog post. I cried tears of sadness as well as tears of joy. I’m grateful for this chance to look back and appreciate the big and small things that Tatay did for our family and me.

I continue to pray for his soul. I pray that he is now at peace and resting in the presence of God, His Creator. I pray that he has received the crown of everlasting life.

I hope that this post has inspired you to be a better parent, a more hands-on parent to your children.