As a hands-on parent homeschooling her children, I have embraced the joys and challenges of guiding my children through their educational journey at home. Alongside these rewarding moments, life often introduces us to unexpected chapters that test our resilience and faith. One such chapter is perimenopause and menopause—a significant phase that brings its own unique challenges, especially for mothers who are homeschooling their children.

Understanding Perimenopause and Menopause

Perimenopause is the transitional period leading up to menopause, typically starting in a woman’s 40s, though it can begin earlier or later. This phase can last from several months to several years and is marked by fluctuating hormone levels that cause a variety of symptoms. Menopause is officially reached when a woman has not had a menstrual period for 12 consecutive months, signaling the end of her reproductive years.

I had been experiencing symptoms of perimenopause in the past years. It started during the COVID-19 pandemic. Initially, I thought that it was just the stress brought about by the challenges of living during a pandemic. But the symptoms persisted and they even coincided with the worsening condition of my father and his eventual demise.

It is because of these symptoms that it has been extra difficult for me to update this blog regularly in the past two years.

For many Filipino women and mothers, discussing perimenopause and menopause can be challenging due to cultural taboos. Society or our culture shuns talking about age and growing old. But these are facts and parts of life. Growing older is a blessing from the Lord. Not everyone is given this chance to grow old and go through this stage of life. Sharing our experiences can provide comfort and guidance to others who are going through similar changes. That’s why, I’ve decided to write this blog post now to help normalize the discussion of this inevitable phase in every woman’s life, whether single or married.

Common Symptoms and Emotional Impact

The symptoms of perimenopause and menopause can vary greatly from one woman to another, but commonly include:

1. Irregular Menstruation: Periods may become unpredictable, heavier or lighter, and may be accompanied by significant discomfort or pain. The gaps between periods may be longer or shorter.
2. Hot Flashes and Night Sweats: Sudden waves of heat, often followed by sweating, can be particularly uncomfortable in our tropical climate. The high heat index in the past months did not help.
3. Insomnia: Difficulty sleeping or staying asleep can lead to chronic fatigue, affecting overall energy and mood. I already had difficulty sleeping before perimenopause. With it, it has become increasingly challenging to get at least 8 hours of sleep consistently.
4. Mood Swings, Irritability, Sensitivity, and sometimes Depression: Hormonal changes can lead to emotional highs and lows, making patience and calmness harder to maintain. This is true even with those who are even-tempered in their younger years. You might be surprised to suddenly find yourself becoming easily irritable or with sudden bursts of anger. Due to the hormonal changes and, in some cases, hormonal imbalance, some women are prone to depression during this time.
5. Cognitive Changes: Issues with memory and concentration can be frustrating when trying to manage homeschooling and household tasks. Even women who used to have good focus and memory before get affected by these cognitive changes. Having many things on our plate does not help. We might feel overwhelmed at this time.
6. Physical Discomfort: Joint pain, headaches, back pains, and other physical symptoms can add to the daily challenges.

Many women may feel a mix of emotions during this stage—relief at the end of menstrual cycles for those already in menopause or relief for longer gaps for those in perimenopause, sadness over the end of fertility, confusion, fear, and frustration with physical symptoms, and anxiety about the future. These feelings are valid and natural parts of this life transition. We need to learn to accept and manage them.

I had been experiencing a roller coaster of emotions in the past years. There were times when I was afraid that I’d get pregnant again while waiting for my next period. I’m already over 40. Thus, it will be considered a high-risk pregnancy if I get pregnant again. I’m already at a stage in my life when I would like to end my childbearing days and I just want to use my remaining energy raising my three boys. Parenting them, homeschooling them and managing our household, in truth, deplete me of energy every single day. I know in my heart that at this point in my life, my kids need a mother more that they need another sibling. And because my husband and I are not using any contraceptive, but simply natural family planning, the possibility of having another child remains until I reach menopause.

If you are going through perimenopause, you are not alone. If you are a woman in your 40s, these are natural parts of life. Based on my cosultations with several OB-gynecologists, most Filipino women go through perimenopause between 40-50 years old. The age when your mother experienced menopause is also a big factor. So, ask your mom at what age she had menopause. Most likely, you will experience it around that age, too.

In one of my next blog posts, I will share also what are some of the products and practices that help me manage the symptoms that I have experienced. Let me talk about perimenopause and homeschooling next.

Homeschooling During Perimenopause and Menopause

Balancing homeschooling responsibilities while managing the symptoms of perimenopause or menopause requires a compassionate and adaptive approach. We need to show compassion and kindness to ourselves more at this stage in our lives. By doing this, we can be at a better position to show compassion and kindness to those around us, especially our children. I’m saying this based on experience. Here are some strategies that I find helpful in managing this phase:

1. Prioritize Self-Care: Make self-care a non-negotiable part of your routine. This could include prayer, meditation, gentle exercise, relaxation, and adequate rest. These practices can help manage our stress and improve emotional well-being. If you cannot make time for half day of rest or hours of rest, make time for a few minutes each day. Create pockets of rests for yourself each day. I know it’s hard to find these pockets of rest. I had a hard time doing this, too. But, we owe it to ourselves and to our family members to make time for self-care even a few minutes each day to pause and collect ourselves. For when we make time to let our selves rest both in body, mind, heart and spirit, we are capable of becoming more loving and patient to those around us. It would be hard to read an entire book. But you can squeeze in a few minutes of reading a few pages. You may not have the luxury of watching a movie. Try watching a short inspiring or funny video or episode.
2. Flexible Scheduling: Adapt your homeschooling schedule to your energy levels. On challenging days, focus on lighter activities or allow for more independent learning. We’ve been doing relaxed homeschooling most of our years as homeschoolers. Now that I am in perimenopause, we are more relaxed than ever. It helps that we had always been with providers who allow the use of open curricula. Since the kids and I decide mainly on what we will cover, how we will discuss or learn the topics we are interested in and when we would have classes or field trips, I have less stress in this area.
3. Delegate and Share Responsibilities: Don’t hesitate to ask for help from your spouse, older children, extended family or private teachers/tutors or coaches. Sharing the load can provide much-needed relief and foster a supportive environment. Like what I often share with new homeschoolers, we, parents, don’t need to teach everything or all subjects to our children. We can delegate, particularly those subjects where we are not good at. For me, that includes sports, music and technology. It’s not a sign of weakness. It actually takes courage to admit where you are not good at and let the experts handle what they do best. This could provide for us the much-needed rest that we need.
4. Create a Support Network: Connect with other homeschooling mothers or local support groups. Sharing experiences and tips can provide emotional support and practical advice be it a homeschool group or a group of parents who have kids with similar interests. Over the years, I have formed friendships with parents, mostly moms, of kids who are either performers, musicians or athletes. We need people who will understand our challenges and who will celebrate our wins and that of our children with us. It will also bring us joy to pay it forward and be a supportive fellow parent to others. If you are looking for a support group, I’d like to invite you to check out some of those I founded: Gifted Homeschoolers Forum PH, Catholic Homeschooling Parents Support Group, Homeschooling Parents Support Group PH and Hands-On Parents while Earning (H.O.P.E.) Network.
5. Educational Resources and Tools: Utilize online resources, educational videos, and interactive tools to supplement your teaching. These can engage your children and give you a break when you need to rest. There are so many good resources that are online! The key is to find and identify what your child needs, what is appropriate for your child’s age and the amount of time that they would use online resources or screen-based educational resources. When my kids were younger, I would let them watch The Magic School Bus episodes. Now that I have a high school student, I watch episodes of Maria Clara at Ibarra with him for his Filipino and History lessons. This was based on the novels of Dr. Jose Rizal. I wrote a review about this here in my previous blog post.
6. Open Communication: Be open with your children about what you are experiencing. This not only fosters understanding and empathy, but also teaches them about the natural changes in a woman’s life and that can be part of their science lesson. 😉 Aside from learning the different stages that we humans undergo, our kids will learn to grow in responsibility, patience and understanding. They will also learn how to show support, compassion and empathy. I know that these are important skills that will make my sons good friends and husbands in the future.

Teaching Kids to Support Mom

Educating your children about perimenopause and menopause can foster a supportive and understanding home environment. Here are some ways to involve them:

1. Age-Appropriate Conversations: Explain what perimenopause and menopause are in simple terms that your children can understand. Emphasize that these changes are natural and temporary.
2. Empathy and Patience: Encourage your children to be patient and empathetic. Explain that mom might need more rest or have days when she feels less energetic.
3. Practical Help: Teach your children to help with household chores. Simple tasks like tidying up, setting the table, cooking simple dishes, or helping with younger siblings can make a significant difference.
4. Emotional Support: Encourage your children to offer words of encouragement and love. Small gestures like a hug or a kind note can uplift your spirits.
5. Routine Adjustments: Involve your children in creating a flexible daily routine that accommodates your needs. This can help them feel included and responsible.

I feel blessed and thankful that my boys have learned so many life skills already at this time. I’m grateful for the many years we have homeschooled because I have trained them to learn many tasks or skills that are helpful at this stage in our lives. My two older children can now cook some of our viands when I am not well enough to cook. All three boys can cook rice and prepare simple breakfasts like oatmeal, pancakes or sandwiches. They know how to do the laundry using a washing machine. The two older boys know how to iron their clothes. They can all be asked to buy things for us in nearby stores. My eldest knows how to do the grocery on his own. They are no longer too dependent on me. At this time of my life, I can depend on them more.

So, you see, the challenges of perimenopause may also be helpful in raising our kids and helping them mature and take on bigger tasks at home.

Embracing the Journey

Perimenopause and menopause are significant transitions that can bring both challenges and growth. For homeschooling mothers, understanding and managing these changes is crucial to maintaining a healthy and balanced family life. By prioritizing self-care, seeking support, and embracing flexibility, we can navigate this phase with grace and continue to provide a nurturing educational environment for our children.

In the midst of homeschooling and navigating these changes, remember that you are not alone. Not too many may want to talk about this topic openly, but there are women like me who are willing to discuss this topic. Send me an email or a message on my Facebook page if you need someone to share your journey with. I’d be happy to connect with you.

Many Filipino mothers are walking this path alongside you, finding ways to balance the demands of family life while caring for their own well-being. Together, we can support each other, share our stories, and inspire resilience in our homeschooling communities.

Conclusion

Perimenopause and menopause are natural parts of life that bring their own wisdom and strength. By accepting this stage in our life, embracing this as part of our journey with grace and openness, we can model resilience, faith and adaptability to our children. Let us lean on our faith, support each other, and learn as we navigate this stage. Through God’s guidance and grace, we can turn this challenging phase into a season of growth, deepening our bonds with our families and fortifying our spirit for the road ahead.